KBA 2K11

The KBA returned to action last Tuesday after a brief one week hiatus.  Commissioner FA released the following statement: "Unlike that other p*ssy league NBA, the KBA requires effort and commitment 52 weeks of the year (except when our unionized maintenance workers forget to unlock the doors).  The weeklong hiatus was planned, and designed as a chance for our stars to reconnect with loved ones over the holiday.  The league remains committed to the mental and emotional health of our players, and to demonstrate our commitment, the KBA is pleased to announce a $50,000 donation to the Ron Artest Foundation."

 

Nevertheless, rumors abound that the hiatus was actually a league-implemented player lockout, allegedly over unpaid league dues.  Commission FA denied these allegations, and also stated that resumption of play was unrelated to the announcement earlier in the week of a new $1.2 million KBA sponsorship deal which resulted in the renaming of the KBA home court. 

 

And with that background, the players took the court at the newly renamed Thomas Mah-rer KBArena for the first game of 2011.  The layoff did not initially appear to affect play as the squad of BSR, NVE, Shahe Vujacic and It's Pat cruised to a surprisingly easy victory.  The effort was spearheaded by a 68 point effort by Vujacic, who equalled career highs in points, shots taken, and chest hair. 

 

Unfortunately, that proved to be the highlight of the night, as the team proceeded to put lay a Laker-esque turd for the rest of the night.  The most egregious offender was NVE, whose putrid 3 for 37 shooting was exceeded only by 16 turnovers (including two consecutive turnovers by dribbling the ball off his knee) and blowing a potential game-winning breakway layup in Game #2.  Lost in the atrocious performance was a season-high 5 blocks for BSR, which occurred predominantly on ill-conceived blind charges to the hoop by the Armenian Artest.     

 

Following the game, reports surfaced that NVE is being currently being wooed by several franchises in the NKBA.  Asked after the game by reporters whether his uncertain contract status had impacted his play, NVE responded with an expletive-filled rant and stomped out of the locker room. 

 

When asked whether NVE's contract negotiations represented a distraction to the team, Shahe Vujacic paused briefly before responding: "It did seem like I wasn't getting the ball in my sweet spot, where I typically like to take my shots...you know, behind the backboard while falling out of bounds."

 

BSR, continuing his season-long vow to not speak to the media, refused comment.  However, new drama may be in the works as an anonymous source reports BSR is in talks to star in his own reality show. 

 

NVE later released the following cryptic tweet: "Media always drinking the Hate-orade!  Much love to all my fans, gotta stay strong and keep it real.  VA needs to lift the firewall from YouTube...peace out!"  

 

Stay tuned, for the next episode of the drama that is THE KBA...