KBA Memories: "I'm Back (From My Back)!

5 Years Ago, On This Day in KBA History:

Dateline: Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Found this on HoopsHype:

Much speculation surrounds the rumored return of legendary Kaiser swingman M Beheshti to the hardwood courts after a two year absence.  Beheshti's absence dates back to 2007 from what seemed to be, at the time, a seemingly innocuous back injury sustained without direct contact.  Despite the valiant efforts of team trainer Peter Taylor who performed an emergency deep tissue sensual massage on the sidelines, Beheshti limped out of the gym that night like a three-legged cow and disappeared like a fart in the wind.

Like a fabled mythical creature, the Persian sharp-shooter has only been seen in brief glimpses over the past two years and continuous speculation has swirled over his whereabouts.  Beheshti has been notoriously reluctant to speak to the media, but top sources reveal that he has rehabbing his back using a controversial regimen consisting of high-dose falafel.  Top orthopedic surgeons have been skeptical, stating that a back injury lasting two years could only be sustained by an baller with true athletic ability and a vertical leap of greater than two inches (link: McGrady, Tracy)  Other naysayers speculate that Beheshti lost his passion for the game and walked away to pursue other interests.  One teammate, who agreed to comment on the basis of anonymity, stated: "Let's be honest...after the greatest game in KBA history (the Coppin State game), and the greatest run in KBA history (UNC run), there really weren't any more challenges for the man.  He had done everything and every groupie in the KBA.  He needed a new challenge, and for him, that challenge was antibiotic stewardship."  Indeed, Beheshti has frequently been seen toiling as a low-paid peon in various medical facilities, where his duties often consist of examining rotting feet.  Conspiracy theorists have speculated that Beheshti's back injury was merely a front, and the real reason for his absence was a forced exile for gambling related league violations.  League commissioner M Goetz refused comment when contacted.

So the basketball world is once again abuzz with rumors.  Will Beheshti indeed return?  If so, will he return as a shadow of his former self, like former KBA stars who attempted returns (link: Pasheyan, Shahe)?  How will he respond to the first inevitable cheap shot to the back from fellow aging veteran and former Coppin State teammate A Lai?  Will he bow to the league's current fashion fad and return with the porn-stache, first popularized by the early KBA star John Martin?  

Only time will tell

Innovation Nation

James Naismith was the consummate American. 

Nope.  

He was actually Canadian.

But, he was certainly consummate.  And an innovator. Despite being Canadian, he came up with what is now called "basketball," earning himself a seat next to the likes of Thomas Edison and the Wright Brothers.

Ever heard of Frank Lindley?
High school coach in Kansas?
Early 1900s?
No?!

Of course not. But, trust me when I say his seat wasn't too far from Naismith's at the great Innovation Nation.

Why? He was (perhaps) the inventor of the Zone Defense.

A quick visit to Hooptactics.com might teach us the different types of Zone Defense.

The mighty and time-honored 2-3 zone.  Winner of multiple NCAA championships.

What's that? You are facing a high school team with lots of outside shooters?  Never fear, Lindley's got your back. Want to lock them down with old reliable? The 3-2 zone. Winner of numerous high school state titles.

We all know these facts. These are old news. All of them have been well-known and well-used since the early 1900s.  

Chamberlain, Kareem, Magic, Jordan, Bird, Shaq, Kobe, Lebron... they know these sets forwards and backwards.

The time has passed though. Innovation Nation is dead. Nothing new here.

Right?

Wrong.
Three words: Small. Game. James.

Ever heard of him?

No?!

Better check your Wikipedia, son!

Oh, what's that? He doesn't exist?
Boy, are you blind?
Have you not been reading the KBA blog for the past 36 years?  Are you not from North Korea or Russia?!

While you were busy playing Doom on your PS2, Small Game James was carving himself up a seat at Innovation Nation, son!

Awakening the sleeping giant that is the Zone Defense of basketball, a 2014 spark of genius in Small Game's brain created the next wave in Zone Defense: TMZ.

Never before heard of.
Never before thought of.
Never before tried.

The Three Man Zone.

The Three-Who-What?

So innovative that The Googles still doesn't know...

That's all they know?
That's all The Googles knows?

Not Small Game James.  He knows.

So, go ahead and etch his name on that seat at Innovation Nation.

Register that URL (TMZ.com), son! Quick, before anyone else get it. You're gonna be rich!

It's time to pay homage to the great TMZ!*

*Note: While the author's claims of the three-man zone being innovative are true in the strict sense of the word, it does not reflect the fact that the only time in history that the three-man zone was deployed in the Spring of 2014 led to absolute disaster including, but not limited to: wide open jump shots; multiple alley-oops; open layups; extreme defensive fatigue; extreme defensive confusion; extreme confusion; extreme score disparity; extreme begging for aborting the three-man zone by the very inventor of the concept, Small Game James. The KBA Blog and staff stand behind the "innovative" aspects of the Three-Man Zone, but have no comments regarding the validity, effectiveness, nor the proverbial "etched" seat at the "Innovation Nation," the existence of which cannot be cannot be confirmed nor denied.

The KBA Blog: Genesis

We interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast of the KBA season 3 opener for this Throwback Tuesday, circa 2010! In place of exciting KBA action, please enjoy this important moment in KBA history:

4/8/2010

BSR --> NVE 

In the trenches, you may have missed my (unfortunate) weekly bashing of Andy.

This is around Game #3 last night.  All game Andy would HOLD me every time I tried to cut.  He was actually defending my shot for a change, so to counter that I would try to do curls and cuts. But, couldn't because he held me.  I actually made a great move to the basket on him (that would have probably ended with a missed layup), but never got far because he held me.  

That's the set up.

So, one time when we were coming down the court, I stare him down as he's coming to guard me and I say "Hey. Don't fucking hold me."  Poor guy was like a dear caught in headlights--I felt awful.  He said "huh?"  I couldn't stop now... "I said don't fucking hold me.  You're holding me every time I'm going by you."  Wide eyed, he said "ok, got it."

Man, I felt like a jerk.  Although, what am I supposed to do, call fouls when he's holding me?  I had to do something right?

BSR

p.s.  Dude, when did Ronnie become a turnover machine?  The last two weeks, he's averaged like 10 TOs a game (and we only play to SEVEN, so that's like 100 TOs in full game).  He's unstoppable. 

NVE --> BSR

The truth is, the fat lard doesn't KNOW any better.  He just doesn't know how to play basketball.  He think he's playing good defense, when at the minimum, he's maneuvering his arm and massive adipose tissue into a blocking foul EVERY time you get within a foot of him.

I missed that exchange, but I did hear Eric (aka Player-Ref-Chairman of the Rules Committee) say to you: "when me and you are together, we're unstoppable."  Or something to that effect.  Since Eric seems to always pick teams, I guess you better get ready to be on the same squad with Eric a lot.

Did you catch his "moving screen" call on game point?  Like we couldn't have called a moving screen on Mike every 20 seconds.  

Man, I hate having that guy around more than Bellman.  

Ronny is feast or famine.  He can be spectacular sometimes, but he gambles too much on defense reaching in and going for steals.  Tries too many risky passes on offense.   Man, I sound like Charley Rosen right about now (http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/Lakers-do-not-look-ready-for-playoffs)

BSR --> NVE

You're so spot on about Andy.  I think what I was probably more frustrated by was that I could't seem to do anything against THIS guy.

Man, these Tuesday night things are a GOLD MINE for stories!  That Eric quote got lost in the shuffle!  We should do a weekly blog, there is SO MUCH STUFF!

Yeah, Eric said that to me and I thought "how come this guy doesn't put me on his teams more often then?"  HE PICKS THE TEAMS ALL THE TIME.  But, now that you mention the chance of me ending up with him, maybe we should just shoot for first 5, second 5?! Ha!

He stopped the game so that he can call a moving screen?  Really?  I think Eric doesn't realize he's essentially cheating--whereas Bellman knew very well that he was cheating.

Dude, I emailed one of my basketball playing buddies (former D1 player and D2 asst coach) about that Jump Ball call and how it was ours because we had "next".  I thought I was losing my mind.  By the way, did you notice how I said the following sentence OUT LOUD so that everyone can hear Eric's claim and how ridiculous it sounds:  "So, Eric, you're saying there are 2 categories for who's got next:  (1) Jump Balls and (2) Everything else?"  Anyway, my friend emails back:  "You need to stop playing basketball with these guys.  Immediately."

It sounds extreme; but, considering all the above (Andy, Eric, Jump Balls, Bellman), it's not such a radical idea.  If only we could get Nirav, Nigel, and even Adam Howard back.  

Ronny is feast or famine; but, he's always a head-scratcher.  And he whines about fouls all the time.

We both sound like Rosen now.... 2 whining old men.

All that said... can't wait for next Tuesday!

BSR