KBA 5/17

First, some video of BS-YR, the newly named KBA ambassador to the Far East.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6gUeH--kIA&feature=related

(Side note: this video is simultaneously horrifying and surreal.  SY misses all his 3s in the "shooting" drill!  Is passing against the wall and dribbling in a chair part of the NBA draft combine?  Then watch the last 30 seconds when he scrimmages against grade schoolers, and goes into total dick mode.  Can't believe the Lakers drafted him.)

It was another sparse turnout for KBA, with BS-YR on his KBA goodwill mission to China, EKE recovering from a calf injury, and the Napoleon Dynamite of Basketball self-imposed exile stretching into its 427th consecutive week.  A surprise DNP-CD was Ricky F; early reports that he was unable to play to a nationwide street shortage of anabolic steroids could not be confirmed.  Throw in the absence of Shan, Matt, Garo and the result was this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIK2u6z5EJc

(Side note: the only thing more awesome in this video than the player is the voice-over)

Now imagine 8 people in the court doing the EXACT same thing for 2 hours.

Duy, OD, Wah-qaeda, and Bieber Fever! took on NVE, Andytollah, Shahe Vujacic, and Rudy (Rony's friend: balding scrappy white guy who's five foot nothing).  No seriously.  After an hour of watching Andytollah barely lumber back to half-court on defense, Shahe Vujacic flinging jump passes in the stands and jump shots off the backboard, and Rudy jack up 15 footers that missed by 16 feet, the unthinkable happened.  

NVE went into Ricky F mode.  That's right, Mr. Play-the-Right-Way morphed into everything he ever stood for.  The next 60 minutes were a blur of uncontested three-pointers, wild forays to the hoop, and lackluster hand-waving on defense for NVE...er, NVF.  All of which was to no avail, as Team Shiet went down two more times with barely a whimper.

After the game, NVF was spotted sitting alone in the corner of the locker room, towel over his bowed head.  When reporters asked about his unexpected on-court transformation, NVF shook his head and refused to respond.  However, NVF had clearly cheered up later, when he was caught on video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw-0ln9L48c

The question remains: will we see the return of good NVE or more of bad NVF next week at KBA?!

  

KBA 5/10/11

With the shocking playoff loss of the Lakers, the KBA once again became the center of the basketball world on 5/10.  The KBAers, many of whom had anticipated a league furlough in honor of Game 5 of Lakers/Mavs, hastily regrouped and assembled at Thomas Mah-rer Arena; however, excitement was tempered by earlier news that KBA stalwart BSR was placed on disabled list with "back spasms".  When asked for comment, BSR seemed remarkably confident that the recovery period would be substantially less than his prior 612 day stint on the DL.  Team trainer MBG refused further comment other than stating that the injury "appears consistent with a high velocity impact sports injury".  KBA Beat writers became immediately suspicious, as BSR has not been spotted jumping or running in KBA action since 2007.  

A home video has pinpointed the likely cause of BSR's injury; the following clip was provided by a source who identified herself only as JK and added the following cryptic statement: "He never puts the goddamn toilet seat down."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxTw_coZyuE

It is not immediately clear whether this invalidates the non-gymnastics clause in BSR's KBA contract.

The night featured the triumphant return of Bieber Fever! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4 (no joke: that IS his real last name) from a chin laceration.  Of note, Bieber Fever! was awarded KBA Tough Guy of the Week after attempting to suture his chin laceration himself at home (again, no joke).

Ricky F, Matt, NVE and the Andytollah matched up against the OD, Shahe Vujacic, Bieber Fever!, and Duy.  Now logic dictates that the team with the size advantage at every position should win the games, right?  Of course, this being the KBA (a vacuum of logic and basketball IQ) the Smurfs promptly raced out to win the first two games, including the first recorded 4 vs 0 fast break in which no player from the opposing team actually crossed half-court.  Coach Ricky F exhorted his troops on with incessant screams of "DEFENSE, DEFENSE, COME ON DEFENSE!" http://www.spreadshirt.ie/white-you-re-full-of-shit-3-3c-neu-ho-C4408A12344856.  

However, the size advantage of Ricky F and the rickyeffs ultimately wore down the Smurfs in the last three games.  Ricky F attempted a mid-game walkoff with 7 minutes left due to frustration of a lack of shots, but eventually returned to the court after some half-hearted coaxing from his teammates.  http://chrisabraham.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/douchebag.jpg

NVE salvaged another atrocious shooting performance with the game winner from the right wing on the night's final shot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POXL49YzEns

3 things to note from that video:

1) The complete utter lack of emotion from Cedric Ceballos under the basket

2) Del Harris going straight up gangsta from the sideline

3) We once had Tony Smith, Sam Bowie, and George Lynch on our roster...sweet jesus.

KBA action...it's craptastic!!!

KBA 2/15

WINNER.

Let's face it, can there be any greater compliment to bestow upon any baller than to simply say: he's a winner.  You take your scoring titles, MVPs, and endorsement deals...in the end, it's all the ring, isn't it?  It is easy to point at Carmelo or McGrady, and scoff: "All flash, he ain't no Russell, Jordan, or Kobe!  Now, those guys are the winners!"  But isn't that going after the low-hanging fruit?  After all, It's easy to pick out winners that have the skills and the ESPN highlights.  But what about those that toil anonymously in the shadows of the greatness, but somehow, inevitably end up delivering their indelible stamp when the game hangs in the balance?  No lead actors here, I'm talking about the supporting cast.  The William H Macy's of the court to whom you never give a second thought when the game begins.  The guy with the awkwardly goofy shot and too-short shorts that you almost feel sorry for while simultaneously thinking: Oooh, I can't wait to take that sorry fool to the bucket!  And yet, SOMEHOW, that fool always ends up holding up the golden ball in the locker room?!  You know who I'm talking about: the Derek Fishers, Robert Horrys, and Mario Elies of the world.  

With several KBA stars (BSR, Wah-qaeda...newly renamed Taliban) opting to check out early for the All-Star break (along with the entire Lakers roster), the KBA was forced to take the court shorthanded.  Early fears of a potential failure to reach a quorum were put to rest when the Andytollah strolled in, kicking off some furious 4-on-4 action.  Games were delayed for 10 minutes so the Andytollah could be appropriately heckled for wearing an Ed Hardy-esque T-shirt while playing.  No word on whether the KBA league office plans to hand down a fine for inappropriate game attire.    

http://jerseyshoreslang.com/tag/ed-hardy-cologne/

EKE, Andytollah (aka the Situation), Shahe Vujacic and The Ex-Commissioner took the floor against Ricky D, NVE, OD, and the Catapulter.  Now my loyal reader(s): you are probably asking yourself right now: who the hell is The Catapulter?  It's Random Asian Guy.  Duh.  

Ricky D and the rickydees proceeded to put on a scorching display of shooting, winning the first game in a rout (7-3), and the second in a closely fought battle (15-13) featuring a game-winning two-pointer by Ricky D himself.  Following the demoralizing loss, the Situations seemed to lose their will, while the rickydees stormed ahead.  The Situations were kept in the game briefly by Shahe Vujacic (7 points, including a step-back two-pointer...no seriously!), but ultimately fell behind 12-8 on game point.

Following a missed three by EKE, NVE corralled the long rebound and raced upcourt for ultimately ended up being  a 3-on-1 break.  With the "offside" rule in place, NVE cleared halfcourt, then heard the voice from the heavens...or at least Northern California.  A voice begging for the FIST play, just this once.  So it would have to be a modified FIST play, but that was okay.  And so he lofted the NVE ball and as it gently took took flight towards the heavens, he thought of how perfect it all was.  FIST play on game point...what celebration was worthy of such perfection?  The airplane...definitely the airplane.  So as the NVE-F16 was about to take celebratory flight, the Catapult swooped in, took the perfect FISTlob literally inches from the bucket and got soundly rejected by the rim.  The OD scooped up the ball and finished the game, but it was all too little, too late.  Apparently, it IS possible to win and lose on the same play.  

Prior to Game #4, NVE was traded straight up for the Andytollah (jeez...I hope there was an expiring contract thrown in there).  Two tightly-fought contests ensued, and in spite of a spirited defensive effort, the rickydees again emerged victorious to cap off an undefeated 5 game run for the night. 

Which brings me to my original point: Is OD the greatest KBA winner ever?  This marks AT LEAST the third five-game winning streak that this blogger can recall.  

Could it be?  A man with no definable skill set: can't shoot, too small to defend/rebound, dribbles too much before barreling into three defenders, takes wild shots, not a good passer...but mentioned in the same breath as the greatest winners in basketball history...D-Fish, Big Shot Rob...OD?!?!?!?!??