KBA 5/17

First, some video of BS-YR, the newly named KBA ambassador to the Far East.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6gUeH--kIA&feature=related

(Side note: this video is simultaneously horrifying and surreal.  SY misses all his 3s in the "shooting" drill!  Is passing against the wall and dribbling in a chair part of the NBA draft combine?  Then watch the last 30 seconds when he scrimmages against grade schoolers, and goes into total dick mode.  Can't believe the Lakers drafted him.)

It was another sparse turnout for KBA, with BS-YR on his KBA goodwill mission to China, EKE recovering from a calf injury, and the Napoleon Dynamite of Basketball self-imposed exile stretching into its 427th consecutive week.  A surprise DNP-CD was Ricky F; early reports that he was unable to play to a nationwide street shortage of anabolic steroids could not be confirmed.  Throw in the absence of Shan, Matt, Garo and the result was this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIK2u6z5EJc

(Side note: the only thing more awesome in this video than the player is the voice-over)

Now imagine 8 people in the court doing the EXACT same thing for 2 hours.

Duy, OD, Wah-qaeda, and Bieber Fever! took on NVE, Andytollah, Shahe Vujacic, and Rudy (Rony's friend: balding scrappy white guy who's five foot nothing).  No seriously.  After an hour of watching Andytollah barely lumber back to half-court on defense, Shahe Vujacic flinging jump passes in the stands and jump shots off the backboard, and Rudy jack up 15 footers that missed by 16 feet, the unthinkable happened.  

NVE went into Ricky F mode.  That's right, Mr. Play-the-Right-Way morphed into everything he ever stood for.  The next 60 minutes were a blur of uncontested three-pointers, wild forays to the hoop, and lackluster hand-waving on defense for NVE...er, NVF.  All of which was to no avail, as Team Shiet went down two more times with barely a whimper.

After the game, NVF was spotted sitting alone in the corner of the locker room, towel over his bowed head.  When reporters asked about his unexpected on-court transformation, NVF shook his head and refused to respond.  However, NVF had clearly cheered up later, when he was caught on video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw-0ln9L48c

The question remains: will we see the return of good NVE or more of bad NVF next week at KBA?!

  

KBA 5/10/11

With the shocking playoff loss of the Lakers, the KBA once again became the center of the basketball world on 5/10.  The KBAers, many of whom had anticipated a league furlough in honor of Game 5 of Lakers/Mavs, hastily regrouped and assembled at Thomas Mah-rer Arena; however, excitement was tempered by earlier news that KBA stalwart BSR was placed on disabled list with "back spasms".  When asked for comment, BSR seemed remarkably confident that the recovery period would be substantially less than his prior 612 day stint on the DL.  Team trainer MBG refused further comment other than stating that the injury "appears consistent with a high velocity impact sports injury".  KBA Beat writers became immediately suspicious, as BSR has not been spotted jumping or running in KBA action since 2007.  

A home video has pinpointed the likely cause of BSR's injury; the following clip was provided by a source who identified herself only as JK and added the following cryptic statement: "He never puts the goddamn toilet seat down."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxTw_coZyuE

It is not immediately clear whether this invalidates the non-gymnastics clause in BSR's KBA contract.

The night featured the triumphant return of Bieber Fever! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4 (no joke: that IS his real last name) from a chin laceration.  Of note, Bieber Fever! was awarded KBA Tough Guy of the Week after attempting to suture his chin laceration himself at home (again, no joke).

Ricky F, Matt, NVE and the Andytollah matched up against the OD, Shahe Vujacic, Bieber Fever!, and Duy.  Now logic dictates that the team with the size advantage at every position should win the games, right?  Of course, this being the KBA (a vacuum of logic and basketball IQ) the Smurfs promptly raced out to win the first two games, including the first recorded 4 vs 0 fast break in which no player from the opposing team actually crossed half-court.  Coach Ricky F exhorted his troops on with incessant screams of "DEFENSE, DEFENSE, COME ON DEFENSE!" http://www.spreadshirt.ie/white-you-re-full-of-shit-3-3c-neu-ho-C4408A12344856.  

However, the size advantage of Ricky F and the rickyeffs ultimately wore down the Smurfs in the last three games.  Ricky F attempted a mid-game walkoff with 7 minutes left due to frustration of a lack of shots, but eventually returned to the court after some half-hearted coaxing from his teammates.  http://chrisabraham.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/douchebag.jpg

NVE salvaged another atrocious shooting performance with the game winner from the right wing on the night's final shot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POXL49YzEns

3 things to note from that video:

1) The complete utter lack of emotion from Cedric Ceballos under the basket

2) Del Harris going straight up gangsta from the sideline

3) We once had Tony Smith, Sam Bowie, and George Lynch on our roster...sweet jesus.

KBA action...it's craptastic!!!