KBA 10/19 and 10/26

<Play this Video for background muic: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrKPUvWLlkM&p=BD45415EB040B22E&playnext=1&index=37>

Welcome ladies and gentlemen. My name is Alan Massengale (kinda like the douche) with your KBA 10/19 AND 10/26 updates.

While the crowds were all abuzz about the upcoming 48th annual IDSA meeting in Vancouver, BC--the hot dog capital of the world--the KBA crew were back in action at luxurious John Marshall Arena.

Tuesday, the 19th, held a few special moments, including an incredible Spin Move from OD and a once-in-a-blue-moon long bomb of a shot by NVE himself.

Although filled with these little nuggets of basketball joy, the overwhelming story of the night was the complete domination by team GNR-SP (GNR-Strep pneumo).  Despite their 4-man team of yahoos, OD, Shahe, BSR, and NVE marched to a dominating 5-1 record for the night, extending their record to an incredible 10-2 in a 2-week run.  It was reminiscent of how  the Raiders decimated Denver and Seattle with 92 total points and 1000+ total yards over a 2 week span.

NVE and BSR took their impressive mark to Vancouver, where NVE reportedly amassed 18 hours of sleep over 4 nights.

Their glorious return to KBA was marred with mistakes.  While team GNR-SP was aiming for perfection of the fabled "alley-oop" play, the general effort of the night looked more like this.

The return of KG halted GNR-SP's magical run.  Amusing was Ricky Davis' complete involvement in the game, driven by the fact that he was perpetually on the best team (with KG).  Not once was RD heard pleading his case for his "fairness" rule: switching teams every time his team loses.  (It should be noted here that RD once pleaded to change teams repeatedly after his teams lost by an average of exactly 1.0 points per game, claiming that games would be "closer".  (Memo to parents: do not hire Ricky D to tutor your children in calculus, algebra, or... number counting).

Little else was memorable in a 2-week span that saw championship basketball, Jap-A-Dog hotdogs, Salmonella-carrying frogs, question-asking older gay men, and the return of KG to KBA.

That'll do it for this edition of the KBA report.  A good night to all; and, as always kids... remember, don't be Sasha.

KBA 10/5

Welcome to this week's edition of...Inside the KBA!

Wait, now go back and read that first sentence again with this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-WA4xEal2s) playing in the background.

Isn't that only a million times better?  

NVE here, blogging about all things KBA.  First, let's recap the highlights from the week before, when the KBA blogosphere was set ablaze by the epic performance of the four man crew of BSR, NVE, The Afghan, and The Overdribbler.  The motley crew overwhelmed Ricky D and ricky dees en route to an unprecendented five game sweep, culminating in a Ricky D auto-ejection.  In post-game interviews, Ricky D simply stated "My stat line might say 15 turnovers, but that just shows how hard Ricky D was playing.  My supporting cast simply didn't have it tonight.  Ricky D needs the ball EVERYTIME and he can't do his thing if the ricky dees keep getting in the way and expecting Ricky D to play when the other team has the ball."  

Of course, the epic highlight from Game 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRf_8Z7pxtE

So the ensuing KBA hangover was only inevitable.  Egyptian Khalid El-Amin (Rony...heretofore known as EKE), EKE's Rudy-like friend (he's five foot nothing!), The Afghan, and The Commissioner took the court against NVE, The Ex-Commissioner, The Overdribbler, and Matt.  Seconds before tipoff, Shan and Ricky D walked in the door.  NVE immediately called for Shan, but The Commissioner wielded his iron flabby fist and drafted Shan.  Eeriely remiscent of:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mN3OGRGybA

And you can guess what happened over the next excruciating two hours: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEpTTolebqo.  0-4 with a win in a meaningless game 5.  Seriously.  Although I must admit, Ricky D did not play his normal game and there were noticably fewer 1-on-3 bull-rush forays to the hoop and minimal teammate bitching.  However, there was still non-existent defense and the passive-aggressive quitting (the disinterested body language, failure to cross halfcourt on offense OR defense).  He just doesn't do ANYTHING if he's not prepping to take the shot.  No picks, no setting up other people, no man defense, no help defense, no offense rebounding.  Shahe Vujacic substituted in to no avail, but did provide comic relief.

Allow me to put on my NVE Rosen hat: far be it from me to call myself a good, or even mediocre baller.  But goddamn, there really are very few people in KBA who really know HOW to play basketball.  I'm not sure how it happened, but thank God we end up on the same team 95% of the time because I really think I would go Latrell Sprewell - PJ Carlesimo otherwise.  Seriously, basketball is a very simple game but if you watched us out there, you'd think we all had lobotomies.  Uncontested layup vs fadeaway 10 footer?  TWO people cutting from the weakside towards the ball towards the same spot?  Coming down to double somebody in the post when there is NOBODY in the whole KBA who really even needs to be double-teamed (except maybe Amol).  

Alright, I'm off my soapbox.  

Lastly, I plan on using this groundbreaking info the next time I'm called to discuss tuesday conference:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQuODiMlUsc

KBA 10/12

In case you haven't seen this absolute GEM (get ready to soil yourself at 1:16) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_h7Lm7C9Nk

Welcome back, KBA fans.  Let's recap the games last night, where the action was fast, furious, and most importantly, BAD.  Seriously.  Like Adam Howard-level bad all night long.  The games started with 4 on 4, made it to 5 on 5 for a game, then reverted back to 4s following a night-ending injury for Taliban (aka The Aghan, aka Wahid).  We actually went to half-court after awhile because we were THAT bad and having that much trouble scoring.  It really makes one long for the days of yore, when Farhad would shoot on 10 consecutive trips for his "team", and Bellman would shoot on 10 consecutive trips for his team.      

Team Pile of Dung: NVE, Shan, the Overdribbler, Taliban, and the guy Ricky D inexplicably calls MVP despite the obvious fact that his game can be summed up by two other letters: P and U.  

Team Craptastic: Ricky D, the Commissioner, Matt, EKE (Egyptian Khalid El-Amin), and Shahe Vujacic.  

These were the highlights of the night:

3) Wahid straining an intercostal muscle, followed by the Commissioner showing great concern over the injury and applying an impromptu sideline massage to the affected area.  What followed was more creepy/awkward than this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXYHYbDxr9g

Okay, so that clip is actually pretty freaking AWESOME.  At the end, don't you find yourself half expecting them to kiss and/or remove the guitar revealing that they are actually conjoined?

2) NVE getting CRUSHED to the floor on a pick by Matt that was not called out by MVP, then 30 seconds later getting beaned in the face by a pass that the Overdribbler felt necessary to throw full force from about 3 feet away (no exaggeration).  NVE briefly considered: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7Er_-XZW4E, but managed to hold back.

1) When the clock hit 9:00 and we could all go home.

All in all, complete crap all night long.  Good thing we are still in the KBA preseason.

Lastly, I'd like to pour one out for BSR, the only KBA player who: 1) can reliably hit a shot outside the lane, and 2) understands the concept that not having the ball on offense doesn't mean you MUST immediately run toward the ball.  The game just ain't the same without your bombs; get well soon buddy, and here's a little tribute I put together: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX1YzS_CYIw